I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
