dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
