I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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