Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
