I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
