It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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