After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize