I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
