is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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