I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
