I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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