Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
