I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
