i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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