my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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