Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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