That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
