I love having hate sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
