i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
