Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
