Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
