There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
