she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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