Jerry, you need to find god
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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