yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
