areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
