I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
