He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
