I haven't been this sober since birth.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
