If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
