I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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