i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
