And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
