Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
