Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
