; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
