you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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