I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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