I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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