sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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