I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
