I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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