man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
