We're like a lot better than the average bears
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
