I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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