Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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