wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
