dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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