I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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