My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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