I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
