he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
