Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
