Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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