NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
