either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
