I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
