would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
