And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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