Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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