would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
