I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
