Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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