I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're a waste of cheezeits
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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