i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
