That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
