I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
