good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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