glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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