4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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