Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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