I wish I could teleport
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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