who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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