Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
