you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
