Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
