My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
