so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
