I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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